Holy shit. I've missed Blogger; being able to freely express my feelings. Tumblr just isn't the same.

Fuck my life. I just want to talk to him, that's all. I fucking miss him; as sad as it is, I truly do.
Don't really care about how much he took advantage, and mis-treated me, or the fact that he's a complete fucking asshole who I despise, but just can not hate no matter how hard I try, I just want to know how his day was. And how he's going. Or what he's doing.

Ugh. He's an asshole. He's a jerk. A womanizer. I'm sure he couldn't care less about me - he doesn't give a shit. Lead me on the believe something I shouldn't have, and he probably has a whole string of other girls falling for the same false thing, too. And yet I'm still longing for him?

And what we had, it wasn't even much. I can't even begin to imagine what excruciating pain I'd be experiencing if we had gone deeper before something like this had happened.
I guess it just hurts most for
the reason being, I didn't mean anything to him. That, I'm sure, couldn't possibly be true. He couldn't possibly look me in the eye and swear he felt nothing.

Jesus fuck. And we all knew he would hurt me. My friends warned me. And I knew it was coming, straight from the first conversation. How could I be so stupid and let myself fall into this trap? Especially when I knew it would happen?

Maybe it's because he's completely wrong for me; maybe that's what had me curious and pulled me in. Maybe it was that sense of adventure I was seeking. I don't fucking know. But I fell. And I fell hard.

And there's nothing I want more than him.

You're the one who makes me feel invincible, yet you're the only one who has the power to completely destroy me.

Gahhhhh, it's been over a month since I've used blogger.
I'm sorry. I blame it on Tumblr.

"I'm not perfect".


But wait, what exactly is perfect? Why do we strive to achieve something that we all know ceases from existence? Every person’s view on ‘perfection’ is altered in one way or another. Why are we not willing to make mistakes, letting loose and just having fun?
As far as I’m concerened, trying to achieve ‘perfection’, is a pointless, impossible road, that leads to no where, with no ending whatsoever.

I did the unthinkable, I crossed over to the dark side, I made a tumblr :O
Haha. Follow me:

http://www.fuckyeahemilysworld.tumblr.com/

TEN HOWS.

1. How did you get one of your scars?
I don't have scars.

2. How did you celebrate your last birthday?
With my friends, eating KFC's potato and gravy all day, as it was the day after I got my braces.

4. How did your night go last night?
Finally caught up on the rest of Vampire Diaries, it was amazing.
...Where was question 3? :S

5. How did you do in high school?
I'm doing quite fine.

6. How did you get the shirt you’re wearing?
I bought it? :S

7. How often do you see your best friend?
Often.

8. How much money did you spend last month?
No idea.

9. How old do you want to be when you get married?
Aroundish 25-30ish

10. How old will you be at your next birthday?
15.

NINE WHATS.
1. What’s your mother’s name?
Tina.

2. What did you do last weekend?
Shopping :D

3. What is the most important part of your life?
Relationships, Friendships, Nick Jonas, Vampire Diaries :P

4. What would you rather be doing?
Sleeping...

5. What did you last cry over?
Erm...

6. What always makes you feel better when you’re upset?
Awesome people.

7. What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other?
Hmm...

8. What are you worried about?
Too many things...

9. What did you eat for breakfast?
Rice bubbles :D

EIGHT HAVE YOUS.
1. Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend?
Not that I can remember...

2. Have you ever had your heart broken?
Meh, not really...

3. Have you ever been out of the country?
Yeeeeeeeeeap

4. Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
Haha, yes.

5. Have you ever been backstabbed by a friend?
Probably, but not that I'm currently aware of.

6. Have you ever had sex on the beach?
Not yet ;)

7. Have you ever dated someone younger than you?
Nope.

8. Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
Yes, surprisingly for me. :D

SEVEN WHOS.
1. Who was the last person you saw?
My brother/mother.

2. Who was the last person you texted?
Clark.

3. Who was the last person you hung out with?
Sophie

4. Who was the last person to call you?
Mum :D

5. Who did you last hug?
I think Matthew and Clark on the last day of term?

6. Who is the last person who texted you?
Clark.

7. Who was the last person you said “I love you” to?
Matthew. Tehee.

SIX WHERES.
1. Where does your best friend live?
Around.

2. Where did you last go?
Moone Ponds, Puckle Street

3. Where did you last hang out?
Melbourne Central

4. Where do you go to school?
In Taylors Lakes

5. Where is your favourite place to be?
School, sometimes.

6. Where did you sleep last night?
In a forrest... -.-

FIVE DOS.
1. Do you like someone right now?
Kind of...

2. Do you think anyone likes you?
Maybe... Tehee. >;)

3. Do you ever wish you were someone else?
Yeah, quite a lot.

4. Do you know the muffin man?
Yeah. Lives a few houses away from me.

5. Does the future scare you?
I'm shit scared for the future...

FOUR WHYS.
1. Why are you best friends with your best friend?
Cos...

2. Why did you get a Tumblr?
Cos...

3. Why did your parents give you the name you have?
I don't know, ask them

4. Why are you doing this survey?
Because I like surveys :D

THREE IFS.
1. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
The ability to read minds, teleportation, invisiblity, force fields, to heal quickly. :D

2. If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?
Yeah probably.

3. If you were stranded on a deserted island & you could only bring one thing, what would you bring?
Cool people :D

TWO WOULD YOU EVERS.
1. Would you ever get back with one of your ex’s if they asked you?
I don’t have any ex’s.

2. Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?
Yes, of course. As much as I would die on the inside :'(

ONE LAST QUESTION.
1. Are you happy with your life right now?
Reasonably happy.

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?

:| WTFS WRONG WITH YOUR FACE, WOMAN.

2. How much cash do you have on you?
$10. Aren't I rich?

3. What’s a word that rhymes with “DOOR?”
Poor.

4. Favorite planet?
Pluto :D

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Mummie

6. What is your favorite ring on your phone?
LOL, "The phone is ringing, phone is ringing, the phone is absoloutly way way RINGING!!!!!" It's from a JONAS episode ;D

7. What shirt are you wearing?
Floral Tee :)

8. Do you “label” yourself?
Sometimes...

9. Name the brand of your shoes you’re currently wearing?
I am wearing stockings :D

10. Bright or Dark Room?
It depends...

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
PWOAH BESTEST BUDDIE WEEEEEEEW

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Sleeping (A)

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
"Let's do something today!"

15. Where is your nearest 7-11?
St. Albans / Keilor Downs area.

16. What’s a word that you say a lot?
FERRAL!

17.Who told you he/she loved you last?
Matthew. Lol. Litterally like 10 seconds ago. Tehee.

18. Last furry thing you touched?
LOL :S

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
None

20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?
None

21. Favorite age you have been so far?
Undecided

22. Your worst enemy?
No one. (A).

23. What is your current desktop picture?
Nick Jonas.

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
KEVIN GET OUT OF MY ROOM -.-

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
Money!

26. Do you like someone?
Errr... Kind of?

I'm loving the sun!
Welcome back sun, I missed you!
Can not wait for summer! :D

Yes, I know I'm albino... shut up -.-

I miss you! D;

Thank god it's starting to get hotter! :D

Holidays are boring! :)
But I like holidays, so it's okay.

Wtf. I keep having dreams about you! >;)

Meet my penguin, Ping! :D

Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
1. UGH I HATE YOU. TWO FACED WHORE.
2. I'm sorry. I really am.
3. Words can not describe how I feel about you. 
4. There's not a day that you don't cross my mind.
5. K.
6. Thanks for wasting my life.
7. I miss you. A lot.
8. You kind of make me happy.
9. Fuck off.
10. I love you

Nine things about yourself.
1. I constantly run into doors and walls.
2. I smile and laugh at things that aren't even funny.
3. I give trust too easily.
4. If I wanted to, I could wear dresses every day for the rest of my life.
5. I could listen to Taylor Swift music over and over and not ever get sick of it.
6. Writing makes me feel better. I love writing.
7. I'm too observative. I notice things that no one else does.
8. I talk to my dad about things that I should talk about to my mum.
9. I'm going to marry Nick Jonas someday, just you wait.

Eight ways to win your heart.
1. Letters. I love letters.
2. Hand-written letters.
3. Songs/Lyrics/Poems etc, written to/about me. *Giggles*.
4. An amazing fashion sense.
5. Surprises.
6. Commitment, no lieing, or breaking promises.
7. 'Good morning, beautiful' ,'Good night, sweet dreams' etc. text messages. Awww.
8. Having the guts to tell me that you love me.

Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
1. Someone.
2. The future.
3. The past.
4. Specific individuals.
5. Jonas.
6. I'm never good enough.
7. Someone.

Six things you wish you’d never done.
1. Going each day which I did, not talking to you. I feel like I wasted each and every one of those days. I want to talk to you, but when I try, I shut down and get all shy. I hate it.
2. I wish I never thought that I wasn't 'good enough', or 'pretty enough', for this one particular person. It effected my self-esteem and self-confidence so much. After all, it wasn't those reasons why he was interested in her, instead of me. Oh well, we're still awesome friends to this day.
3. I wish I had never met you. :) ... Wait, no. Meeting you, and dealing with your shit, only made me stronger. That's a good thing.
4. Signing up for facebook. LOL.
5. I never walked into all those damn doors. (As suggested by Matthew)
6. ... Everything happens for a reason.

Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
1. Sophie.
2. Nick Jonas.
3. AmyStephTianaJamieeShantel
4. Matthew
5. You.

Four turn offs.
1. Ugh. When guys spit on the floor. Eww.
2. Disrespect.
3. Potty mouths!
4. Thongs or crocks.

Three turn ons.
1. If you can play guitar.
2. Green eyes. But bright blue eyes are also damn fine.
3. If you have an attractive face, hair, and you can dress well. Pwoah. ;)

Two smileys that describe your life right now.
1. :D :D :D hehehe
2. |-)

One confession
1. I feel like I don't belong, way too often.

so, um, tehee, there's this kid, and he makes me smile. :)
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew.

"Love makes time pass, and time makes love pass."

Happy Birthday Jeffrey, Stephanie, and Tiana <3

Ugh, I'm in the most strangest mood. I seriously can not be fucked with anything, and with anyone. Ugh.

So, you see, the thing is, I never actually forgave you in the first place...

"Friends are like potatos, if you eat them, they die."

I removed the phone from my ear, placed my thumb on the red button, and just as I was about to press it, I heard on the other line ‘I love you.’



I pushed the button with as much force I could use. I continually pressed it, over and over, as if it would make everything better. I wanted the pain to go away, but it didn’t. I felt so many different emotions at once. I couldn’t contain it. I just bursted into tears.

FINALLY I am updating my Nick Jonas FanFic!
I've promise too many people. Haha.
But yay, it feels good to write again. :D

Fuck yes! Holidays for the win!

I couldn't help but feel a little satisfaction and enjoyment while you were gone.

You see, the thing is, I never actually forgave you.

Today I found out that Sophie Wong is the only person left in the world that I can trust anymore.

Eff yous allllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJaHHC95OPc

Happy Birthday Dearest Jamiee.

My fictional smiles seem to have you fooled by the fact that I'm slowly dieing away.
... Good.

You broke your promise. Again. Good job!

I don't know what to do anymore.

You asked for your second chance. You got your second chance. Now it's too late.

TRUST NO ONE

The holidays are what I need right now.
I can not wait any longer.

I need a break from everyone, from everything, and start up again fresh.

Ugh. And after all these years, I still feel like I'm not as important as you all. I'm still being kept from things. And lied to. Ugh. It just gets me so frustrated.

And you know what hurts most? The fact that I have to walk around with a fictional smile on my face, and pretend that everything's okay, and that "I'm fine". Well fuck this. Because faking my happiness is destroying me.

Haha you kind of make me happy :D
Tehee.

So, you're just making things worse.
Blaaaaaaaaaaaah! I hate you! Go die!

There's not a day that goes by, that I don't miss you, Gina.
I love you.

I kind of die a little inside when I realise I wasted a day not talking to you.

I'm sick of being the one having to make all the effort.

Taylor Swift - Teardrops on my guitar.

Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see
What I want and I need
And everything that we should be

I'll bet she's beautiful
That girl he talks about
And she's got everything
That I have to live without

Drew talks to me
I laugh 'cause it's just so funny
I can't even see
Anyone when he's with me

He says he's so in love
He's finally got it right
I wonder if he knows
He's all I think about at night

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

Drew walks by me
Can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be

She better hold him tight
Give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes
And know she's lucky 'cause

 He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

So I drive home alone
As I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down
And maybe get some sleep tonight

'Cuz he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

He's the time taken up but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see

And she's got everything that I have to live without.

"I get the best feeling in the world when you say hi to me, or even smile, because I know, even if it's just for a second, I crossed your mind."

Hehehe. You make me giggle. :D

I love the fact that just your simple smile makes my entire day.

You don't know how much you mean to me.

Today I took the day off school, because seriously could not be bothered with 2 periods of sport, chapel, divinity and then acs.
This is what I did instead:

Oh and by the way, say hello to my new fringe!

INFUCKINGCEPTION.

I think this picture perfectly describes everyone's reaction towards the end of such a great movie.

And yet, I find myself forgiving you once again.
*sigh

Alright, rule number one. Never EVER under estimate my ability to find out things.


Let me remind you of one of my previos blogs:

Here we are, Wednesday, August 11, 4 days later, and you've already fucked up.

Good job (Y)

Eww Eww Eww
I'm really dreading going back to school after a focus week.
Ewwwwwwwwww.

HEY YOU! Yeah you, remember me?
Yeah I kinda miss you.

Matthew Nguyen is my best friend :)
Or atleast, ONE of my best friends.

Anyway, I've given up on you. You're not making things any easier. In fact you're making things worse. Yeah, I don't want you in my life anymore, not if you're just going to make things hard for me.

I love how the hatred of one person can bring so many other people together.

Tonight I had quite a good cry.
And tonight also proves the reasons why I do not love the ones, that I'm supposed to love.

Sorry for the blogging overload!

I promised my anonymous formspringer that I would actually start to blog again.
Speaking of formspring, www.formspring.me/musicismyescape, go go go!

Anyway, dearest anonymous fomspringer,
Ha, I gotta say thanks. I now remember why I loved blogging so much, and yeahhhhhhhhh I've vented so much and I feel much better. So thanks! :)
I hope I find out who you are, by the way. It really means a whole lot that you; 1. read my blog. 2. care enough to ask me about it on my formspring! ahaha :)

Pain is what makes us stronger. It forces us to grow.

Do you just not realise how attractive you are?!
;)

Do you just not grasp the concept that you have lost my trust, and friendship? And that because of your actions, you've lost the friendship of others. Also, you've gained a bad reputation for yourself, and those who do not know you, are judging you, and have a disliking towards you, based purely on the actions you've shown towards me.
Have a good life, bitch.
You'd better be ready for the shit that you've asked for.

How about you go jump off a cliff?
Yeaaaaaaaaaah that would be great. Look at the chaos you've created. Your reputation, what reputation? How about the people that you've hurt. And those who have hurt you.
And all for what? So you could seek 'revenge'? Oh grow up, please.

Here's a second chance. Cherish it. You're not going to get another one.

The hatred I have towards you is simply unexplainable!

Why don't you just go marry her?
You seem to like her better, anyway.

Eff you!

Why don't you just go marry her?
You seem to like her better, anyway.

Eff you!

It's amazing how oblivious you are towards my feelings.
Eff you and your stupid promises that you never keep.

But why, why do I always find myself forgiving you?

The worst feeling there is possible is knowing that the one you love, loves someone else.

Hi bloggers. Well, the ones who have actually remained on blogger, and havn't yet reverted to tumblr.
Anyway, I apologise for my absence, once again! I've been extremely busy lately and honestly I couldn't be bothered signing in...
Anyway, I have A LOT to write about, but not enough time. And I'm also quite tired at the current moment.

I shall blog soon, x. :)

Dude, SNAP OUT OF IT.