Today I turn 14! Yeeeeah. Waking up to happy birthday texts and facebook comments/messages instantly made my day. Especially because most of them were from others that I never talk to, it made me feel loved. :D haha. Thankyou, to everyone who put a smile on my face.
So today's the 31st of December, not only my birthday, but also new years eve. 2009 flew by, like it was a gust of wind. T'was a great year, and it'll leave me with many happy, and sad, memories.
Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010.
Thursday, December 31
Wednesday, December 30
Woah, It Makes You Think...
Yesterday I watched 2012. I, myself, don't actually believe in the fact that our world, as we know it, will soon come to an end. But this movie made me realise, it may not happen in 2012, but my time on the planet will eventually come to an end. I don't want it to, I'm enjoying life how it is, and I'm scared; that day could come soon.
"I still cannot grasp the concept that I won't live forever."
-Diaries For The Youth.
Tuesday, December 29
'Girls'.
Brother: All girls do is shop and talk.
Dad: Yeah, and sometimes they even talk at the shops.
Emily: *litterally lol's*
I found that hysterically funny at the time, and felt the need to share it. Yes, I often laugh at the most simple things.
Dad: Yeah, and sometimes they even talk at the shops.
Emily: *litterally lol's*
I found that hysterically funny at the time, and felt the need to share it. Yes, I often laugh at the most simple things.
Whatever your doing, it's hurting me.
Your absense makes me feel unwanted.
Stop leaving me wandering out in the dark, alone.
Sunday, December 27
Mum and Dad,
I'm sorry I can't be perfect.
Though I try, I try so very hard.
I'm sorry I continually let you down.
And cause tears to your eyes.
I'm sorry for the heart ache I cause you.
I'm sorry.
But I won't apologise for who I am.
Please learn to accept it.
Though I try, I try so very hard.
I'm sorry I continually let you down.
And cause tears to your eyes.
I'm sorry for the heart ache I cause you.
I'm sorry.
But I won't apologise for who I am.
Please learn to accept it.
Please know,
I'm trying my best to make you smile, not frown.
I'm trying my best to make you proud.
I'm sorry I can't be perfect.
If I could, I would, but I can't.
Saturday, December 26
Friday, December 25
Christmas was only fun, when santa was real
It's Christmas today, and I find myself sitting at a computer. Christmas is not as fun, or exciting, as what I remember it to be.
This picture, is probably the only thing to do with Christmas, that made me smile today.
Thanks. Thanks alot. to all those selfish asswholes who ruined Christmas for me.
Thursday, December 24
I've Done Great Without You
I’m supposed to call you my family? Pfft. Honestly, you all fit perfectly in the classification of ‘strangers’.
‘Strangers’ is actually a perfect word to describe you pack of selfish asswholes. Over the years, the pictures of your faces have slowly erased from my memory. If I passed you whilst on the street, I would not recognise you. If you called my name, I would turn around in response, but never to see anyone. If you were to wave or smile at me, I would return the favour as to any other unfamiliar person, but wonder, in confusion, for a while, as to whether I knew you or not. Really, I don't know any of you. Just your names, and that's about it.
It’s Christmas time now. Approximately 7 years from when this whole fight broke out. Christmas is a time where family are supposed to be in each others comfort, and to be spending time with each other. Christmas is a time of love, but obviously not in your opinion. It was a stupid Christmas party, which was what triggered this atomic bomb. And from that, it’s grown and grown. You kept on doing crap that hurt my mother and father. You all kept disadvantaging us, like you had my whole life, before this fight blew up. And you ask why. Why did we cut off the relationship? It’s simply because my mother and father did not want to be part, and we’re protecting my brother and myself, from a family that kept squishing us down, that kept making us bow down to the ‘leader’. We we’re held back from a family, which in reality, was not a family.
It’s been 7 years since I’ve talked to you, or seen you. Though there have been times, for our grandmothers sake, were we’ve met up. If we were ever together, it was always my family on one side of the table, or in the corner of the room, and everyone else crowding the room. If we ever talked, it was always awkward, and we answered each other in short, silly little answers. With family conversations, it should be the complete opposite. But in reality, we were never a real family.
Over these 7 years, I’ve lived my life, I’ve moved on, and I’ve done quite fine without you. I’m sure, in future, I’ll do great without you. And you all no longer have a place in my heart. I think it was best, and I agree with my parents, with stopping this relationship continuing. It honestly wasn’t worth progressing.
‘Strangers’ is actually a perfect word to describe you pack of selfish asswholes. Over the years, the pictures of your faces have slowly erased from my memory. If I passed you whilst on the street, I would not recognise you. If you called my name, I would turn around in response, but never to see anyone. If you were to wave or smile at me, I would return the favour as to any other unfamiliar person, but wonder, in confusion, for a while, as to whether I knew you or not. Really, I don't know any of you. Just your names, and that's about it.
It’s Christmas time now. Approximately 7 years from when this whole fight broke out. Christmas is a time where family are supposed to be in each others comfort, and to be spending time with each other. Christmas is a time of love, but obviously not in your opinion. It was a stupid Christmas party, which was what triggered this atomic bomb. And from that, it’s grown and grown. You kept on doing crap that hurt my mother and father. You all kept disadvantaging us, like you had my whole life, before this fight blew up. And you ask why. Why did we cut off the relationship? It’s simply because my mother and father did not want to be part, and we’re protecting my brother and myself, from a family that kept squishing us down, that kept making us bow down to the ‘leader’. We we’re held back from a family, which in reality, was not a family.
It’s been 7 years since I’ve talked to you, or seen you. Though there have been times, for our grandmothers sake, were we’ve met up. If we were ever together, it was always my family on one side of the table, or in the corner of the room, and everyone else crowding the room. If we ever talked, it was always awkward, and we answered each other in short, silly little answers. With family conversations, it should be the complete opposite. But in reality, we were never a real family.
Over these 7 years, I’ve lived my life, I’ve moved on, and I’ve done quite fine without you. I’m sure, in future, I’ll do great without you. And you all no longer have a place in my heart. I think it was best, and I agree with my parents, with stopping this relationship continuing. It honestly wasn’t worth progressing.
Tuesday, December 22
17th / 18th / 19th of December
On the 17th of December 2009, i began a new chapter in my life, BRACES. haha, well actually, its not really a big deal. I have now have metal in my mouth, and I'd thought I'd let yous all know.
Here's a picture:
Purple FTW.
Some people reckon I look good with braces... I'm glad they think that.
On the 18th of December, I know it's a little early, but I had my birthday party. It wasn't really a 'party' as such, more like a get together of friends, as I'm not really the 'party type'. Quite fun, seeing friends again on the holidays. Quite fun, watching others eat pizza, while I was stuck with KFC's potato and gravy, stupid braces. Quite fun, opening gifts from others. Speaking of which, OH MY GOD, I LOVE AMY AND JAMIEE'S PRESENT!! If your curious, they got me a number-133/500-platnim-jonas-brothers-SIGNED-limited-edition-framed-thinggy! (I have no idea what it's actually called, but you get the idea.) I'm not sure if the Jonas Brothers actually signed it, but it sure as hell looks pretty real! Well yeah, its prety awesome, and I think it's the best present I could ever recieve... Well apart from the actual Jonas Brothers, of course. To Jamiee and Amy: THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU, times googleflex.
19th of December - Congratulations to Kevin Jonas and Danielle Deleasa on their wedding. I wish them the best of luck, and may they have everlasting love and happiness.
Monday, December 14
Yes, I'm a fan of those New Jersey boys
As many of you already know, I'm a huge Jonas Brothers fan. And many of you hate them, for absolutely no reason at all. You suppose I’m weird for liking, no wait, obsessing over these 3 boys, so I’m going to explain to you why I love them. (Yes, I am going to write a whole list on why I’m obsessed with the Jonas Brothers, its going to take you a while to read. Discontinue reading, if your one of those who strongly dislike them.)I love Nick
I love Nick’s perfect curls
I love Nick’s eyes, and eyebrows
I love Nick’s lips
I love Nick’s voice
I love how (Nick has Diabetes, and) every time I hear A Little Bit Longer, I feel like crying.
I love Joe
I love how Joe has many hairstyles
I love Joe’s funny-looking eyebrows
I love the way Joe sings “I don’t wanna hurt you, I wanna kiss you.” (Only Jonas fans would know what I’m talking about)
I love Kevin
I love Kevin’s funny-looking sideburns, that are too long and thick
I love Kevin’s mad-as guitar skills. Lmao
I love Kevin’s SOS dance (Again, only Jonas fans would know what I’m talking about)
I love that Frankie is not in the band, but he is still adorable
I love Frankie in the JONAS episodes
I love their accents
I love their fashion sense
I love how I know all the words to all their songs
I love that their lyrics help me explain my emotions and thoughts.
I love that I find their songs extremely comforting when I’m in ‘tough times’
I love how Joe is hilarious, and can make me literally lol by watching their youtube video’s, but Nick is always so serious
I love how they wear tight jeans… ALL the time
I love the JONAS show, and Living The Dream
I love The Jonas Brothers 3D Concert Experience
I love watching (above) with sophie and playing the game ‘Jonas Brothers’. It’s quite a lol
I love how my wall is covered by posters of them
I love when I turn my iPod on, I straight away play a Jonas song
I love the fact that many people hate the Jonas Brothers, but they still love When You Look Me In The Eyes
I love the expression Nick makes, when he sings high notes
I love the way Joe dances. again, it makes me literally lol
I love how I have memorised almost every line of Camp Rock that they say
I love listening to songs that Nick sung when he was like 12
I love watching the video on youtube, when Kevin was 4 and he sung I Am Amazed with his father
I love that Kevin makes me laugh at his stupidness in the JONAS episodes
I love the that I know it’s not going to happen, but I still dream about marrying Nick
I love reading Burnin’ Up; On tour with the Jonas Brothers
I love looking at photos of them when they were little
I love it when Joe wears glasses
I love the song Australia, it gives me hope. haha.
I love that they love Aussie Accents, it also gives me hope. haha
I love that my obsession with them, has helped me reconnect with an old friend.
I love that their songs lift me when I’m down
I love that I have Jonas Brothers Badges… and pyjamas… and their book and DVD… and more.
I love how my mum tells me off for being so obsessed with them. and then I make her watch the DVD, and she’s like: “Nick actually is quite good-looking. I wouldn’t mind it if you marry him.”
I love how I can play some of their songs on piano
I love how me and sophie tried to re-make the Fly With Me music video
I love how Kevin and Danielle are getting married, they’re cute couple!
I love how I can’t go a day without saying the word ‘Jonas’
I love how I made this list go to 50. I could continue it, but I ceebs.
I applaud and admire you, if you just read that entire list.
I love these boys. ♥
Farewell Middle School
best friends. forever and always. ♥i think the only person who was looking, is josiah in the background. lmao.
kevin tang, i will forever miss you. ♥ yes, i believe in blood-sucking-immortals, and oversized-canines.
its amazing, how the love between bella and edward is so strong, so passionate, so real.
'love'. it's a confusing word, with all different meanings.
Sunday, December 13
Friends And Friendships? Meh...
Friendships are complicated, and extremely confusing. They can make you feel like you’re on top of the world, but at times; they can also make you feel like you’re drowning, sinking slowly towards the bottom of the ocean. It’s easy to form a friendship with an individual, but to earn their trust is a whole different story. And once that person has gained your trust, the slightest mistake, can cause the whole friendship to come crashing down. You could easily fall for a simple camouflage, not knowing what or how your ‘friend’ feels about you, and you may think differently about them, than what they think about you. I, myself, have many friends, though I can only trust a few, and sometimes, I shut myself down from forming friendships, scared that I may, in the end, feel crushed, and unwanted, like I have experienced in the past.
During the previous few years, ‘friendships’ have dramatically changed. They used to be so easy, so laid-back, so relaxed. Nowadays, it’s the complete opposite. It’s hard to trust a friend with what you tell them, afraid they’ll go and leak to someone else, it’s hard to completely trust someone whatsoever. I miss the old friendships.
I know that I have a ‘friend’, who causes me a tonne of heartache. I’m so confused with the mixed signals she’s sending me. One minute, she acts like she has no idea who I am, and then the next; she acts like we’re the best of friends, and I keep forgiving her, I keep giving her second chances, that she continually ruins. We USED to be like the best of friends, but something has evolved between us. I’m sick of all the negativity from her, and all the heartache she causes me, but I simply can not let go of her, I need her, and she needs me. She, like many people, has changed, and I extremely hate, I mean dislike, the new her… I miss the old her. I dread coming to school every morning, because I know I have face her negativity, and I know I will always feel pained. I mean, she doesn’t even say hi to me anymore, not even a wave, or a smile; instead, it’s always a greasy, or another negative comment. It instantly wrecks my day. Often, I also cry, my mind debating whether it would be best to cut off our friendship, or continue it how it is, but I cant cut it off anyway, because other people are involved, and that will put them through heartache too. I hope, that a miracle will happen, and we can work things out. I miss her, and what we used to be, and I still love her, and I need her.
During the previous few years, ‘friendships’ have dramatically changed. They used to be so easy, so laid-back, so relaxed. Nowadays, it’s the complete opposite. It’s hard to trust a friend with what you tell them, afraid they’ll go and leak to someone else, it’s hard to completely trust someone whatsoever. I miss the old friendships.
I know that I have a ‘friend’, who causes me a tonne of heartache. I’m so confused with the mixed signals she’s sending me. One minute, she acts like she has no idea who I am, and then the next; she acts like we’re the best of friends, and I keep forgiving her, I keep giving her second chances, that she continually ruins. We USED to be like the best of friends, but something has evolved between us. I’m sick of all the negativity from her, and all the heartache she causes me, but I simply can not let go of her, I need her, and she needs me. She, like many people, has changed, and I extremely hate, I mean dislike, the new her… I miss the old her. I dread coming to school every morning, because I know I have face her negativity, and I know I will always feel pained. I mean, she doesn’t even say hi to me anymore, not even a wave, or a smile; instead, it’s always a greasy, or another negative comment. It instantly wrecks my day. Often, I also cry, my mind debating whether it would be best to cut off our friendship, or continue it how it is, but I cant cut it off anyway, because other people are involved, and that will put them through heartache too. I hope, that a miracle will happen, and we can work things out. I miss her, and what we used to be, and I still love her, and I need her.
Saturday, December 12
Well, It's A Start...
Today, the third day of the christmas holiday. already, like most holidays, i have become part of the bordem hell. as usual, i log onto facebook, and someone says something about a blog. curious, i click on the link and observe the page before me. i think to myself, well, i wont be as bored, for at least another 20 mintues…
a diary is not something that i would usually be into, but inside, there are a great deal of emotions and feelings i feel i need to expose, even if its to an online diary. i feel the need to unleash of these emotions, but they are not somewhat that i can explain effortlessly to a simple person.
now, this 'diary' will consist of many dark and unpleasant emotions, it will withhold the torture within myself… though, I hope, it will include of many happy emotions too. im sure it would be good to start with a happy one, to start with the most important person in my life.
dear sophie,
just wanted to thankyou for being my best friend, for being my sunshine and for being the person i need to survive. your the individual i go to when i need someone, and you make all the bad stuff in my life simply disappear. your my sunshine, just like how jacob is bella's sunshine. dont you feel special, being jacob? haha. your the funniest kid i know, you always manage to make me laugh every time i see or talk to you, whether it would be on the phone, msn webcam, mrs hopkins’ place, swimming, or even chilling back at my house. when im down, you always seem to put a smile on my face, you always seem to plug the hole in my chest that’s drowning me. well, even when im NOT down, you still always put a smile on my face. when im with you, its like the world freezes, and we become the rulers of the galaxy. and its been like that, since we were still in nappies, playing with our barbie dolls. and i hope it always will stay like that, and we remain best friends for all eternity… okay, i have to admit, i feel like a lesbian, writing the cheesiest thing of my life. too bad im not a lesbian, because i’d force you into being the groom… oh well, you can always be my maid of honour. ;) but yeah, you get the point, thanks for the smiles, laughs, tears and the countless memories that i hope will never stop forming.
i love you. ♥
a diary is not something that i would usually be into, but inside, there are a great deal of emotions and feelings i feel i need to expose, even if its to an online diary. i feel the need to unleash of these emotions, but they are not somewhat that i can explain effortlessly to a simple person.
now, this 'diary' will consist of many dark and unpleasant emotions, it will withhold the torture within myself… though, I hope, it will include of many happy emotions too. im sure it would be good to start with a happy one, to start with the most important person in my life.
dear sophie,
just wanted to thankyou for being my best friend, for being my sunshine and for being the person i need to survive. your the individual i go to when i need someone, and you make all the bad stuff in my life simply disappear. your my sunshine, just like how jacob is bella's sunshine. dont you feel special, being jacob? haha. your the funniest kid i know, you always manage to make me laugh every time i see or talk to you, whether it would be on the phone, msn webcam, mrs hopkins’ place, swimming, or even chilling back at my house. when im down, you always seem to put a smile on my face, you always seem to plug the hole in my chest that’s drowning me. well, even when im NOT down, you still always put a smile on my face. when im with you, its like the world freezes, and we become the rulers of the galaxy. and its been like that, since we were still in nappies, playing with our barbie dolls. and i hope it always will stay like that, and we remain best friends for all eternity… okay, i have to admit, i feel like a lesbian, writing the cheesiest thing of my life. too bad im not a lesbian, because i’d force you into being the groom… oh well, you can always be my maid of honour. ;) but yeah, you get the point, thanks for the smiles, laughs, tears and the countless memories that i hope will never stop forming.
i love you. ♥
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